Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo and it’s gone. The air of America is so thick with wokeness all the virus cells were shoved off the coasts and sank to the bottom of the oceans. Actually, wait. I guess not.
The wave of mass protests across the United States will almost certainly set off new chains of infection for the novel coronavirus, experts say.
The virus seems to spread the most when people yell (such as to chant a slogan), sneeze (to expel pepper spray), or cough (after inhaling tear gas). It is transmitted most efficiently in crowds and large gatherings, and research has found that just a few contagious people can infect hundreds of susceptible people around them. The virus can spread especially easily in small, cramped places, such as police vans and jails.
Be sure to mind social distancing rules as you torch those police cruisers. Wear a mask while you hoist that ATM into the back of your stolen truck.
People that believe what they’re told by the major news outlets should be required to wear yellow hats at all times so we know not to ever engage them in anything substantive.